For My Little Bird

From the moment I knew you were going to be a girl I was imagining amazing things for you.

So, my little bird, this is the beginning of your story...

 

The Girl
As soon as the ultrasound tech started she said she knew what sex you were... I thought for sure you were a boy.  Dada said he knew too...I thought for sure you were a boy.  Dada, Bear and I went in thinking we were going to have it written down and we would all open it at Christmas!  I couldn't wait... as soon as the tech and Dada told me they knew the sex... I caved!  It's a girl!!!  I couldn't believe my ears.  My cheeks were wet with tears.  I began imagining amazing things for you...

The first trimester and then some I was soooo sick.  I couldn't get enough to eat and everything made me nauseas!  I was determined to have an extremely healthy and fit pregnancy despite my sickness! Auntie Christel, Bear and I would either walk or do yoga almost 5 days a week and I could feel myself getting much stronger than my first pregnancy.  I would take Bear to Grannas and rest there and then go to work!  You were really using all my strength to grow you.  Dada, Granna, Auntie and Bear all took REALLY good care of me while you grew inside of me because we all knew that when you arrived you would be amazing!


The Name
Your name was always something very important to me.  Since Dad got the final decision for Barrett, I got the final for you!  It would keep me up at night wonderingif I would name you the right name! From the beginning Dada and I couldn'd agree on any names; Violet, Charlotte, Beatrice, Carly, Aurora, Rose, Bella, Maybelle and many more were debated for weeks!  Just when we thought we had it... we would change our minds!  When we were pregnant with Bear, Grandpop Dave suggested Brighten for a boy or girl!  We both liked it but thought it was more suited for a girl.  Then we had all but forgotten about it!  Up until your delivery we thought you were going to be named Dova Rose Beecroft!  Dova, after Mimi Anne's mom, and Rose, after my middle name and also share it with your great aunt Leah, Aunt Kiersten, cousins Analeah and Abigail, not to mention it was my Papa Murphy's mom and sister's name!  Whew!  Needless to say... we didn't name you that!  We also wanted a strong name with a fun nick-name like your brother: Barrett "Bear"!  I thought Birdie was an adorable nick-name all along but we needed just the right first name for it!

You had several due dates based on mommy's belly size and ultrasounds!  At one point they told me a month before you were born that you were already 7 lbs and that you would be at least an eight pound baby!  Large baby girls run in the family... me, Auntie Gen and Aunt Dani were all 7 lbs, 11ozs!

The Soundtrack
During my labor with Bear I regretted not playing my music during the marathon labor in the hospital so I was determined to have some music ready for your labor!  Your dad worked long and hard putting together a playlist full of music sang and written by strong, amazing women.  He named it my "Labor Party Mix." I couldn't wait to let my favorites sing me through me tough moments!

The Birth
From the beginning your dad and I discussed and wanted a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean).  As I read more and more about it... I felt that the risks and complications  for a c-section again were much higher that trying to give birth to you all naturally.  I had LOTS of support from our family (especially Granna Chris who had assisted in dozens of VBACs in her life!).  My Dr.s were also supportive as long as I did not become high risk!  I made damn sure that didnt happen!  I had 4 female doctors that would potentially deliver you and I spoke with them all about my decision for a VBAC and they supported it!  The biggest struggle I could foresee would be when I got admitted to the hospital they told me I would have to be constantly monitored so I couldn't be up and moving around for an active labor!  So I decided I would stay at home as long as possible to labor in comfort and calm.

On Thursday, May 3rd, 2012, in the evening I sat down for another few hours of your gymnastics inside my belly.  At the end, every evening you would kick and punch so hard my belly would jump around and I would be knocked from side to side!  This was very different from Bear... I rarely felt him move at the end.  This night your dad watched in amazement.  He wanted to take your carseat out of the car for one of his many projects the next day.  I told him I was feeling like he should leave the carseat in the car!  While I had been feeling small Braxton Hicks and contractions for weeks I felt like these ones were different but I didn't want to concern anyone.  We decided that of this WAS it tehn we should go to bed and rest...rest, hah!  Dad rested while I layed next to him feeling my stomach slowly tighten harder and harder with each contraction.  Since I had done this once before I actually tried to enjoy this early labor and just think about how amazing my body was to be able to do this!

I called Granna before bed and Dave texted Mimi and Aunt Dani just to give everyone a heads up as they were the crew for Bear while we were in the hospital that!  At about 2am my contractions started keeping me awake and Granna came over at 2:30am.  I labored mostly on the couch trying to keep from laying down.  At no time was I concerned about the complications of a VBAC... I felt like I knew I should only focus on the positive and the prize at the end which was you!  By 4am I felt slight urges to push and Granna urged us to go to the hospital... I was so scared because I went to the hospital about the same time during Bear's labor and I was barely 2 cm when I arrived!  I did not want to labor on my back in the hospital bed!  Thankfully, Aunt Dani arrived shortly after carrying lovely pink roses... a foreshadowing of my lovely girl.  Granna, Dad and I jumped (ok, I waddled slowly and carefully!) into the car and we got down the street and realized we forgot our camera!  I told Dad he couldn't go back since my urge to push was becoming more and more intense by the minute!

When we arrived at the hospital (thankfully it is 4 miles away!) it felt like a whirlwind and very surreal. As we boarded the elevator I had a crazy contraction that made me let out a very animalistic cry and a couple that happened to share the elevator with us thought I was going to have you right then and there!  There faces were priceless!  When we arrived to the labor and delivery floor I walked out and the nurses began casually and what felt like extremely sloth-like asking me for all  my pertinent information...  "Did I mention that I FEEL LIKE PUSHING?!!!!"  At that point the paid attention and I was given a room, told I was 6 cm dilated and didn't have much time to react before my water broke and it was on from there!  All the while, contractions are making me want to curl up in a tiny ball and be on a painkiller drip!  I kept reminding myself of you and it kept me focused.  I also kept thinking of the challenge would be going through transition strapped to the bed but Dad and Granna were tough and strong right along with me. 

The Delivery
20 minutes later they checked me and I was 8 cm!  The contraction pain was jarring from my back to my hips and through my legs.  I looked at Granna and said I can't do this any more and she said "Have a little cry and then YOU ARE DOING THIS! YOU ARE ALMOST THERE!!"  For a moment I let myself have a pity party and then I was back into it again!  20 minutes later I  was almost 10 cm and I have never felt the urge to push as bad as I did right then.  Up until this point I had been fighting back the urge with breathing and focusing on Dad and Granna.  I couldn't stop any more.  I started pushing.  The nurse didn't stop me.  She simply called for the doctor.  On this particular day female doctor was sick and the OB/GYN that stepped in was a man I had never met before and clearly I had just woken up from a deep sleep!  He walked in and slapped on some gloves and sat down.  5 rock star pushes later, you were out!  I had done it! I had my perfect baby girl by VBAC...  And we never had time to turn on the Labor Party Mix!!!

Back to the Name
In the instant that you came out and they brought you to me on my left side I saw your bright face and hair the color of the sun and I knew I had to name you Brighton.  As you layed perfect on my chest I looked at your dad and said "can we name her Brighton Dova?"  And he responded with, "you can name her whatever you want after that!".  After being in the hospital for an hour and half I successfully birthed you, my beautiful, bright baby girl.  I have never been so proud of myself and felt a whole other kind of love for you, my daughter.  You are three months old now and I dream every day of all the amazing things you will do in your life!  Welcome to the world; carpe diem!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=krmDymp_VCU

My Toast to Geordan and Julie

On October 29th, two very important people in my life joined forces. My older brother by 16 months and my close friend and college roommate got married. It was my intention to give a toast at their wedding but my 17 month old got the best of me and my attention. Here is an attempt to recreate that moment (I know, for those of us who were there, this is impossible because it was so magical).

Some of my first memories of Geordan are bittersweet. We would eat Cattyface's cat food together under the jungle gym, we would mix potions in our make-believe lab behind the old Crowley house. He would also leave me in the dust when we walked to school, ignore me when we got to school and the worst was he could always make mom laugh when he was in trouble to get out of it! When we were young I just wanted to hang out with him so bad! As we got older, I tried to phase him out and create my own life and name for myself (not an easy thing to do when you get all the same teachers the next year in junior high!). Eventually we hit high school and all of a sudden I had cute friends and he and his friends were interested in hanging out. I, again, tried to do my own thing but always came back to wanting to hang out with my brother.

Funnily enough, Geordan (Nerdan as I call him) and my relationship really blossomed when I moved away to Chico. This is the time that I met Julie. Julie was Girl Jordan's friend who moved in with us 6 months after we moved to Chico. My first experiences of Julie were "Julie's Metal Cruisin Tunes" mix CD, and her being deathly ill in her bed wanting to move home. While we did not instantly "click" (she thought I played Simon & Garfunkel on the living room CD player to piss her off!), we always got along and had a good living relationship together. As the years rolled on (4-5 - I really wasn't ready to leave Chico and would spend weekends at J and J's) our relationship grew and blossomed. While I didn't frequently hang out with her crew, Julie could be spotted at a Buffalo Creek show once in a while or singing "New Slang" at 2am with all my long hairs. We became very close and shared some of life's most challenging and enlightening moments.

This is where Geordan and Julie's lives intersect and to my dismay, I really had nothing to do with it! They found each other back in SoCal and ready for the next phase of their life. They are compatible in more ways than I could ever imagine. Their kind nature works in harmony with the way they want to live their life. They have a million rescue dogs because they don't ever give up on anyone or anything. They have built businesses from nothing and created and become members of others family because they are the kind of people that we want in our family. They are ALWAYS thoughful, generous, and REAL!

I need to wrap this up because my 17 month old is waking up...

What I wanted to say the night you were married was that marriage is such an amazing experience and I knew you two would suit it well from the first moments you were together. Julie, welcome to the family and enjoy the Allen name... I know you will make us proud! Geordan, thank you for giving me another sister who is also my dear friend... I approve!

I love you both to the moon and 40 skies,

Emilie

"Allen Girls, Woot woot!"

As I drove home from Oregon last night with two of the strongest Allen women I know, after leaving an extraordinarily courageous new Allen mama and her amazing Allen girl infant, I had some pretty emotional and strong thoughts on Allen women and then this led me to feel the need to share a secret.

I have a confession. I have had every intention when I said "YES!" to walk down the aisle with Dave B. to change my last name from Allen to Beecroft. No hyphen, no double-middle name, just, in the name of simplicity, from Allen to Beecroft. Here we are a wedding, two dogs, a one year old, a house and career later...I am still Emilie Rose Allen. My understanding is that the name change process takes time, organization and energy and I am just about ready to embark.

Dave has never pressed the issue knowing that my roots within the Allen tree are deep... I mean really deep. Growing up with extremely strong "Allen" women role models made me proud and very strong and VERY sentimental about belonging to this long line of women who were pioneers, farmers, teachers, healers, mothers, party-planners. All of which overcame odds and CREATED families and BUILT things from nothing. They were (are) magical women. I also have many Allen girl cousins who, when we get together, can pretty much conquer the world.

I am not sure if it is because it has been embarrassingly long since I got married, or if I wanted to properly mourn the loss of my last name of 30 years, or if it is the birth of the first Allen baby girl of this generation that makes it all of sudden alright, but, I AM READY to make the change. I have all my paperwork lined up and the time off from work to make it official and complete my transformation from A to B.

I am extremely comforted by the fact that I will be joining the ranks of Beecroft women such as my mother-in-law and sister-in-law (albeit former Beecroft) who show strikingly similar traits to those Allens who I hold near and dear.

O.K., Isla Monet Allen (all of 3 days old), I am counting on you hold up your end of this family tree. I am counting on you to steer this family as you grow and learn. I am counting on you to nurture and love this name as if you will have if for the rest of your life. I am counting on you to be magical. Who am I kidding. Of course you will, you are an Allen girl, woot, woot!

Signing off,

Emilie Rose Beecroft

1st Birthday

Barrett,
Hello son. The last time I wrote to you, I didn't even know your name. I was so nervous about becoming a father and even more so about your mother's delivery of you. Although you DID put up quite a fight, you came into this world almost a year ago as a very healthy baby boy.
Watching you grow and learn has made this year one of the most satisfying and amazing events of my life. The way you went from learning how to roll over to top speed-crawling is a testament to who you are, I believe. I absolutely adore the various expressions you give, from a look of sheer determination to squeals of excitement. I always thought that it was when you started talking that we could really start having fun communicating with each other, but I realize that I don't needs your words to know how you're feeling.
I read recently about a new dad who had grand ideas of teaching him how to do all the things that he loves to do. What he learned though, was that all he really wanted from his son was to not loose the innocence he came with.
This has been an amazing year of growth for myself too, Barrett. I cannot imagine life without you, when a year ago, I was concerned about loosing what it was to be just your Mom and I. I know that feeling now that parents talk about when they mention the smell of their baby. I know how a smile can make a person go weak in the knees. I know the soothing feeling of a sleepy baby in your arms, and the magic of the smile you get when you walk through the front door. When you reach up to me with your arms stretched out as far as they'll go, there is not much to compare that to, other than an adults memory of doing the same as a child.
So here we are at your 1st birthday, and I just wanted to tell you how amazing the past year has been and how wonderful it is that you've made us a family.
I love you, son.
-Dad

No Cents: Final Thoughts

This is what you can do with lots of time on your hands!

(please disregard the blue underline...I'm new at this)

As Friday closes, so does my Project: No Cents. I have some final musings before I close the book on this entertaining project.

• Researching free activities and getting creative with completing home projects without spending a cent is TIME-CONSUMING! I spent a good deal of time on the computer looking for fun and cheap ideas (googling mom-groups, and DIY projects!) See pictures of before and after of our home office:
• By today, Friday, I was REALLY missing my retail therapy particularly because we have weathered not 1, not 2, but 3 massive storms this week, hail, thunder and lightning, and a tornado even touched down north of here. It was tough keeping busy without my regular crutches (baby goods and grocery shopping--I love food shopping especially when I can take my time!)
• My bank account got a rest which will be helpful in these coming weeks (a couple road trips on the calendar)
• Lastly, this really makes me rethink all my purchases (ahhh, I can't wait for tomorrow!).
• Well, I can't backspace out of these bullet points so I will close with a thank you for reading and I need Dave to write something quick to leave this post in history!

Project: No Cents Thoughts and Themes

Since I have started this project there have been some recurring themes that come to mind:

1. I am spending cents somewhere

2. I am also earning cents somewhere

3. College

4. My dad

See expanded version of these thoughts below:

1. While I am not debiting money at Target, The Sacramento Coop, or my favorite drive through coffee shop (harder than I imagined to pass without stopping) I am still using the heater in my house (there has been a series of crazy rain storms in Nor Cal), our semi-slow internet, netflix and 13 channel "cable." I guess these are what I would consider our family's necessities and what I am NOT spending money on are extra creature comforts.

2. The cents I am earning are small in amount but they are interest on the money I am NOT spending in the bank.

3. This project reminds me of when i was in college and I REALLY had to go weeks without spending money because I did not have any! Reminds me of how lucky I am now and how far I've come.

4. The last time I saw my dad he told me that every night he unplugs everything in his house except for his alarm clock. He has his energy bill dwindled down to single digits. Kind of thought-provoking. I actually have been unplugging my blowdryer and straightener directly after using after hearing this cool news.

At school when we have projects I ask students to to answer the question: "What have you learned?":

What I have learned that is the most important is that I doesn't take much to entertain a 10 month old. All he wants/needs is me (and maybe some puppy and grandma interactions) and I am so happy that I have been able to give that to him this week.

Agenda for today:

Finish Home Office (two trash bags went to the curb today!)

Tea Party in Elk Grove (bringin my own tea and G-free snacks)

Evening appetizers with gal friends

(I was all prepped to go to my first La Leche League Meeting today ( I know Bear is 10 months already!) But then I realized it was last Thursday! Bummer. Will make it to a meeting before he is 1!)

Project: No Cents

Follow me this week as I attempt to live without spending a cent... with the exception of groceries and gas (bought on Sunday) I will find ways to fill my Spring Break week off with Bear! I have a list of projects that I would like to accomplish and everything I need to do so! I will be checking in periodically to let you know how things are going! If you don't here about this project again, that means I failed miserably!!! Starting my 2nd project now!

2nd Project delayed due to obtaining free 1 week gym membership! They have child care center so Bear will be well-entertained. Side note: Gym managers are kinda like used car salesmen

They say when you clean things out you make room for new wonderful things! Two out of three file cabinets emptied! Found some great stuff... perhaps I will share later tonight! Megan Rall there is something great I found for you!

Project No Cents check-in: I have spent $0 since Sunday night. I have visited a cat sanctuary (Happy Tails), deep cleaned the kitchen, cleaned most of home office and organized, cleared out 7 years worth of junk in filing cabinet, cleaned out purse (no small task). Last night I had happy hour with friends with wine and cheese I bought on Sunday. Today I plan on going to Granna's house and then to the gym tonight!

My friend asked last night: "So why are you doing this No Cents Project?" Good question. The answer is that I usually OVERSPEND when I am on breaks. I usually feel justified in spending all the money that I work so hard to make. So the buck stops here (for this week anyways)!